Desperately Seeking Sagacity

You Never Really Stop Learning

2009-01-23T22:57:00.006-06:00

Before I forget (or lose my journal), I wanted to take a moment and write out all the various things God has taught me these last few months, along with Scriptures that correlate to some of the lessons. Several of these came out of some very sweet quiet times, while others same during my morning prayer time during my commute to work. Some of the lessons came with much soul-searching and contemplation, while others are just flat-out basic things that I had to be reminded of because I was going through some stuff at the time. They have both challenged and encouraged me, and I am grateful to worship a God who teaches as well as loves.

1) I have to stop wanting to be like others! When I say that, I mean I want to stop trying to model how I love God, worship God and serve God based on how other people do those things. I need to stop because I only need to model my life after Christ. God has put so many faithful and sold-out people in my life, but I think their purpose is to point me more towards Christ through encouragement, prayer and love, not for me to obsessively compare myself to them. I always feel like I'm falling short, but it's because I'm always trying to find fault with how God made me. I know no two people can ever be at the same place spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, so why do I spend time mentally redoing what God has already established in me? Who am I to do that?? At the heart of it, when I am wasting time looking at other people's lives for the purpose of comparing or finding fault, then it means I am not focused on God and not looking at the example His precious Son set for me.

2 Corinthians 10:12
We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.

2) I need to be in constant prayer about my job and work environment. God has placed me there for a reason, and I spend 8 hours surrounded by a whole host of influences, behaviors and attitudes. Am I going to be influenced, or will I influence others for Christ? Also, my attitude about my job needs to change, with an emphasis on rejoicing in the fact that I have a great job with really good coworkers, instead of being unproductive and lazy and pessimistic.

Psalm 90:17
May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us—
yes, establish the work of our hands.

3) Right now I am in my first year of BSF and we are studying the life of Moses. During a lesson a few months ago, we learned about Moses taking advice from his father-in-law Jethro. During the lecture that evening, I was hit with a conviction lightning bolt about how I need to not take any of them for granted, and rejoice for the relationships I have with each one. Not every one has healthy, open relationships with their in-laws, and I am so blessed to be able to spend time with each one without the dread or anxiety others may feel at the thought of spending time with their in-laws. I love each one dearly, and I am grateful to have such loving and considerate in-laws.

Exodus 18: 7-8
So Moses went out to meet his father-in-law and bowed down and kissed him. They greeted each other and then went into the tent. Moses told his father-in-law about everything the LORD had done to Pharaoh and the Egyptians for Israel's sake and about all the hardships they had met along the way and how the LORD had saved them.

4) This one was a doozy for me. I don't know if I have mentioned it before on the blog, but my husband and I have been praying and trying to have children for a while now. Through this time, God has been incredibly and abundantly faithful in keeping me focused on Him and not turning into a fretful, ovulation-obssessed bundle of raw nerves and hysteria. However, during this same time, I too often allow myself to entertain thoughts about how long I am willing to wait for God, and what our other "options" might be. How long is too long to wait on Him? During some quiet time reflection, He spoke very gently to my heart and asked if I was waiting on Him, or if I was waiting on His will and timing only in regards to children. Why aren't I just waiting on Him and seeking His will for my life without conditions or expectations? I cannot make my obedience to him dependent on what He may or may not do for me. I must focus on waiting on and serving Him for who He is, and not for what He can do for me. If I am always waiting on Him for something, then I am setting myself up for certain disappoinment.

Psalm 27:14
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

Psalm 130:5
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

Psalm 25:5
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long

5) God and I spent some time alone this evening, and at the end of my prayer time, He put this on my heart: He has already spoken directly to us through His word, the Bible. It gives comfort, guidance, peace, truth and so much more, but am I listening to it? I have been told by honest and loving people that I need to work on my listening skills. I tend to be the type that half-listens while thinking of things to say in response. With the Bible, it's no different. Often I pray earnestly to know God better, and to have more of Scripture impressed into my heart. But when it comes to the Bible, too often I half-read while thinking of other things. I live in a country with the greatest access to the Scripture, among the whole span of history, and yet I still don't really delve into it as I should. I don't seek it as a precious jewel, or treat it like the treasure it is. I have access to the living Word of God, spoken and written for you and me, and yet I don't tear into it half as fast as I tear open my latest Entertainment Weekly or other magazines. Blech! Woe is me, not just for my unclean lips, but for my unclean eyes, desiring so many things before I desire time with the precious Word of God!

Good night.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

2008-10-13T22:35:00.002-05:00

I've heard that saying a lot over the years, and had come to understand and appreciate its meaning during several key events of my life. But, this simple phrase became so very real to me yesterday morning when I stood in church and worshipped there for the first time in over a month. Because of Hurricane Ike, our two weeks away in Russia, and then some crappy stomach pains I had last week, I had missed several weeks of church.

While in Russia I had several chances to participate in individual worship as well as corporate worship with our brothers and sisters there. But, being back home at our church, seeing the familiar faces of those who partnered with us through prayer and support, and then hearing the powerful and majestic music of praise to our Lord was almost too much for me. I felt like my insides were going to burst with a mix of joy and awe and peace and reverance.

Hearing these words being sung aloud to a sovereign and glorious God, especially in light of what I just witnessed Him do in Russia, was definitely a high point for me.

After wrapping up my BSF lesson tonight, I began reading some of Psalms, and I came across Psalm 144, where David tells God he will sing a new song to him, and will play a 10-stringed harp for him. Throughout this book and others are countless stories of men and women singing praises to God and playing instruments to Him. It made me stop and think about the first ones on earth who played music. Did they understand what it was right away? Did they begin to look for more things that would make interesting sounds and noises? And once they found an instrument, at what point did they realize they could use it to make joyful noises unto the Lord? When did they realize their voices could be a way to honor and celebrate God and His goodness?

Thinking of all this made me realize how gracious God was to give us music. He could have just been ok with us speaking praises to Him alone. Or writing Him a nice letter of praise and thanks and petitions. But, he allows us to experience this rich and rewarding gift, and then use it to give Him thanks for it. I love that He loves music and worship in its various forms. I can't wait to find out what heavenly music and worship will sound like.

"So How Was Your Trip?"

2008-10-09T20:35:00.005-05:00

I have had about 50 people ask me that question so far, and the first response I come up with is, "Great!" To be quite honest, after a few days back home, my first answer was a little more "good" than "great". What caused the difference?

The reason is comparison.

When I first came back, I struggled nearly every day to not compare this trip to last year's trip. Last year's trip was an epiphany for me, opening my eyes to God's vastness and power and beauty and holiness and mercy in an immediate way. I saw Him in ways I never thought would be possible for someone as broken as me. It was also the catalyst for new ministry opportunities, as well as deeper investment and involvement in other people's lives.

I do see that He changed me as a result of this trip, albeit in vastly different ways than last year. Instead of an immediate charge of excitement and zeal, I came back with a lot of quiet reflection and clarity about how God used me and grew me during my time there. I had a lot of powerful and exciting conversations last year, with four women praying to accept Christ as their Lord and Savior. This time, I didn't have those same kind of "powerful" conversations, but I did have good conversations where I either got to present the gospel or encourage someone in their walk with God.

The only reason this trip initially seemed "lesser" than last year's is because I kept comparing the two, to my own detriment. After much praying, I see now that God had very specific lessons for my last trip. This time, there were different lessons and experiences to be had, but I was so busy comparing and expecting something else that I almost missed the point entirely.

The point is that God is the same then, now and forever. He worked in incredible, vivid ways last year, and He was the same incredible, vivid God this time, but it's my own narrow vision and scope that saw less and celebrated less.

My vision has to change. I don't want to look at mission trips like these and see them for what I think they are. I want to see them as God sees them, and celebrate every person, conversation and opportunity. I want to look back and not have regret over things that could have been said or done differently, but to look at them with excitement and fervent joy and happiness because of who He is. I want to be overjoyed thinking back at all the times I was out of my comfort zone, whether it was sharing my testimony in front of 30 people, or helping entertain a room full of school kids, or being stranded on a quiet highway in a broken bus.

More importantly, my life's focus has to be on Christ and what He did for me on the cross, and nothing else. No experience or conversation or moment will ever match or compare. That is what I want people to know about my life and my heart. That I was forever changed because of what He did, and not what I saw or experienced. My belief in Him and His love and forgiveness and mercy and righteousness is what makes me who I am.

"The greatest need we have is not to do things, but to believe things. The redemption of Christ is not an experience, it is the great act of God which He has performed through Christ, and I have to build my faith on it. If I construct my faith on my own experience, I produce the most unscriptural kind of life— an isolated life, with my eyes focused solely on my own holiness. Beware of that human holiness that is not based on the atonement of the Lord. It has no value for anything except a life of isolation— it is useless to God and a nuisance to man. Measure every kind of experience you have by our Lord Himself. We cannot do anything pleasing to God unless we deliberately build on the foundation of the atonement by the Cross of Christ."
- Oswald Chambers

Here are some pictures from the trip. Enjoy!

From our room in Moscow.

Me, Erik, his interpreter Alain, Sasha (in the middle with shorter hair), her friend Irya, and her brother Vovo. When I met Sasha in the park, she had a tiny kitten hidden inside her hoodie. I am not a fan of cats, but this was one of the cutest cats I'd ever seen. I was thrilled she came and brought her friend and brother.

Two shy girls at our children's program Tuesday night. They were very sweet and had a lot of fun playing Hot Potato.

Me and Dinara during our home visit with Nina, one of the graduates from a rehab center in Verknee Hava just outside Voronezh. She is a believer, and asked us to keep her family in our prayers. She and her husband desire to raise their children in a God-honoring way, and pray their children would all be strong followers of God.

A concert in Shilova by some of the church youth. They were amazing, and sang with a lot of passion. They sang "How Great is Our God", which is one of my favorites.

Finally, this is me with my awesome interpreter Dinara. I was so blessed to meet her and work with her!

Back in Houston

2008-09-30T11:35:00.002-05:00

I just realized that I forgot to update you all and let you know that we did make it home ok on Sunday evening. Sorry! I'm back at work, recovering from jet lag, but doing well. More to come later!

Love,
Nickie

Goodbye for now

2008-09-26T09:32:00.003-05:00

Just a quick note before we get ready to leave for the train station back to Moscow. I want to thank everyone for their commitment to pray for our trip and group, especially in light of what's going on back home. It seems like things have not improved much in Houston, and that the nightly news only gets worse. If there's anything I've learned from my time here in Russia, it's that God is so much bigger than the issues we face, and that the verse from John 16 is true. In this world we will have trouble, but He has overcome the world.

It has been nice to be able to leave normal life behind for a week and focus solely on working with ministry events here in the city. But, the true challenge becomes taking what He's shown me here, and what He's taught me here, applying it to the "normal life." One of the things I will take back home is a deeper appreciation for the beauty of simple worship. Hearing familiar Christian worship songs being sung in Russian by people completely on fire for God gives me a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes like nothing else.

More on this later, because we have to start packing for the train to Moscow. Thank you again, and I look forward to sharing more stories later.

Love,
Nickie

More Voronezh Updates

2008-09-25T14:21:00.002-05:00

Hi all! I am finally getting to post an update again, although now our ministry week is almost over. It has been an exciting and rewarding time here in Voronezh, and we've seen God do amazing things. Erik and haven't seen much of each other the last few days since we've been working on separate ministry projects, so he may have to find out what I've been up to by checking my blog :)

Anyway, so that you know what I've been up to, here's a brief recap:

On Monday Erik and I spent time working with a local pastor to promote a movie night and brief concert. We had about 12 people from the local community there, and many of them heard the gospel for the first time. A girl I met in the park (Sasha) came and brought her brother and school friend, so I got to share with them and get to know them better. They were very sweet and were eager to return to the church that weekend for youth ministry events.

On Tuesday, I was working again with the same pastor, only this time we invited neighborhood children to the children's program we held that night. A lot of the kids were thrilled to talk to Americans, and we saw lots of smiling faces and nervous giggles as we spoke in English to them. We had a turnout of about 16 kids, with 8 praying to accept Christ. The kids had a lot of fun playing games, and wearing their balloon hats we made for them, and they were over the moon at getting American candy. It was amazing to see how engrossed they were during the gospel presentation and how much fun they had with games and gifts that probably would have been been considered boring to American children.

Wednesday we visited a rehab center/working farm in a city two hours outside of Voronezh. The local pastor had been praying for years to get the facility built because of his heart for drug and alcohol rehabilitation, and it was exciting to tour a building that God had so graciously provided for his group. God is changing so many hearts and lives at this center, so I was grateful to visit and meet some of the graduates. We later had a home visit with a woman named Nina, who was a graduate of the rehab center. She shared her testimony of a difficult youth and how several major setbacks drove her to seek solace in alcohol. She was homeless for a while and felt utter despair until she began to hear about God's love for her. She entered the rehab center and immediately felt God working in her life, giving her strength and encouragement to get better. She gave her heart to God while there, and later met the man who would later become her husband, who was also a graduate of the facility. She asked us to keep her family in our prayers because she and her husband want to make sure they raise their three children in a godly home so they don't make the mistakes they both did. It was an amazing time visiting with her, and I will have to post more on our visit later.

I've got to wrap up the recap for now, so hopefully I can post the Wednesday night and Thursday events once I get back to Moscow.

Please know that we appreciate all your prayers and encouragement while we're here. For those watching our dogs, we send you many thanks from Russia! I'm sure if it gets really quiet here we could probably hear their barking from Voronezh:)

Specifically, we would appreciate prayers for the following things:
-Our final ministry time Friday morning as we travel to a local orphanage. We will visit over 170 children there, so please pray that our time would be fruitful and that hearts and lives would be changed.
-For there to be good follow-up with the local pastors and the people we met with who either had questions about God or committed their hearts to God during this week.
-For safety and health as we prepare to travel back to Moscow. Also that we would not get sick as the weather in Voronezh is much colder than it was last year.
-That the local pastors/ministries here in Voronezh and in the neighboring areas would flourish and grow, and those in difficult areas would be encouraged and be blessed with an abundance of hope and peace as they face persecution in their areas.
- For us as we prepare to end this amazing week. Please pray that we can make a smooth adjustment back home, and that the lessons God has taught us will impact us on a daily basis, and that our stories of His work here would be an encouragement and blessing to those at home.
Thanks, and I'll see you soon!
Nickie

Hi From Voronezh

2008-09-24T09:36:00.003-05:00

Just a quick update for you. We've both been very busy these past few days and we never seem to be around the Internet cafe while it's open, which is we haven't posted much. Things here are great!

The 2 ministry days have been very rewarding and many people (especially children) are hearing the gospel for the first time. We had a movie night and showed the film "Most" and had a good turnout. Erik and I both shared our testimonies along with the local pastor.

Erik has also been working on a construction project and I've been working with kids and families dealing with addiction to drugs and alcohol.

Please pray for our remaining ministry days, that they would be fruitful and hearts would be changed.

Love,

Erik and Nickie

Moscow Update

2008-09-19T10:57:00.002-05:00

Greetings from Moscow! First of all, thank you so much for your prayers! If you read my last post, you saw our prayer request for good health during our flight to Moscow. We had a very bumpy landing when we arrived in Atlanta, and I was concerned I was getting a case of vertigo-related nausea. Thankfully, the queasy feeling we both felt went away very quickly, and we had a very smooth flight to Moscow.

I used the 9+ hours on the flight to read some of God’s word, going through the book of Nehemiah, and continuing my reading of John, as well as more of the book Trusting God by Jerry Bridges. The Scriptures I read really encouraged and strengthened me as I left behind various worries and concerns in Houston, so it is my prayer that God would continue to give us daily insight and peace through His word as we start each ministry day.

Yesterday we had the privilege of meeting our other team members in Atlanta, and it has been so exciting to catch up with old friends and make new friends with the other team members! Twelve of us will be taking the overnight train tomorrow night to Voronezh, and the other eight will fly tomorrow to their ministry city of Volgograd. Please join us in praying for the safety and health of this team as they fly to Volgograd and for our team as well.

Erik and I didn’t get any sleep on the plane so we are running on fumes right now. Right now it’s 10:00 am Friday morning in Houston (7:00 pm in Moscow), and we’ve been up since 5:00 am Thursday morning. We are going to bed very shortly, so we are praying for deep, replenishing sleep tonight.

Again, thank you all for your prayers and encouragement, and we hope to have more updates soon!

Love,
Nickie

In Atlanta

2008-09-18T13:00:00.001-05:00

We made it ok to Atlanta and are already meeting up with our other team
members (yay)! It's good to see everyone again and to learn what all God
has been doing since we last saw each other. Our prayer request for the
next few hours would be that Erik and I make it through the flight without
feeling queasy. We had a very bumpy landing here and our stomachs still
feel a little weird. We do have Drammamine but hope to not need it :)

Hope to have another update soon! Thanks for your prayers!

The Final Countdown

2008-09-02T21:21:00.008-05:00

First let me say that as I was typing the title of this post, I had laugh because I automatically thought of the 80's song by the band Europe called "The Final Countdown." If you're a fan of the TV show Arrested Development (and Gob Bluth), or a fan of cheesy 80's synth-pop, then you'll love this song.

Anyway, it's been over a month since my last post, so I'm well overdue for a new post. We are now 16 (!) days away from our trip back to Voronezh, and I'm getting more and more excited as the days fly by. I often think back to the faces I saw my first time there, my awe at the beauty of the country, and the joy at meeting other belivers and pastors half a world away. Even though I've been there before and sort of know what to expect logistically, I really have no clue whatsoever what all we will see God accomplish, or what we will be doing during our time there. Although I have always tended to be a person who hated not knowing what's next, or how to prepare, I am so thankful that I serve a sovereign and mighty God who already knows our steps and our journey. The joy of God's sovereigny and not having to overthink or fret about every little thing is incredibly liberating to me, and I long for more of this joy.

The past several weeks have been a time of serious growing and reflection as God graciously helped guide me back to regular, refreshing quiet times with Him, which I often struggled to have during the summer. It has been a blessed time getting back into His word and also being introduced to so many amazing Christian writers with so much insight to offer on the Christian life and the traits of God. Right now I am wrapping up my study of Numbers, reading the book of John, reading John Piper's When I Don't Desire God, finishing up Jerry Bridges' Trusting God, and reading Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest. Also I reread Phillipians and Colossians tonight, and those two are amazing books.

Along with my end-of-summer reading, I've also been spending time with family and friends, including my beautiful new nephew Benjamin.

He is a cutie, and is growing larger by the minute. We're so blessed that he received such good care at the hospital, and we're so thankful that he's home and doing well. We are thankful for the many prayers of family and friends.

I've also had a lot going on with work, but it's all been great. God has been reminding me on an almost daily basis that I don't need to stress about the work I'm leaving behind because it will all get done, and I am leaving it in the hands of extremely talented and kind women who will do a fantastic job. My initial stress was for nothing, and the other work-related issues I thought would be a factor (office relocation and system conversion) won't happen now until after I return from Russia. Woo hoo for God working out the small details!

I'm trying to think of what else has gone on lately... The Olympics were awesome, and it was amazing to see the beauty and strength of the human body that God so lovingly created. The Olympic athletes were amazing, and I was nearly speechless at the artistic wonder of the opening ceremonies. However, I lost a LOT of sleep during those two weeks, so I'm glad that they come around every four years (yes, I know that the Winter Olympics will be here in 2010, but they just don't offer the same kind of excitement as the Summer Olympics. Sorry Vancouver).

Overall, I think we're making good progress getting ready for the trip, and we've still got time to take care of the little details that always seem to come up at the last minute. However, we would greatly appreciate your prayers for the following:

- For continued focus on the trip, and that God would remove any distractions or obstacles the enemy would try to send our way.

- Good health for us and the other team members, as well as for our families that we're leaving behind.

- For all the team members to get their full financial support for the trip

- For all the small travel details to be worked out

- That God would be preparing the hearts of those we will be meeting there in Voronezh, and for the pastors we'll be working with.

- For God to be glorifed every step of the way

Good night!

Uh, so apparently it's July now...

2008-07-02T22:53:00.003-05:00

Yeah, it's July and I haven't posted anything since February. I guess if you're a serious blogger, then this is probably offensive and insane to you. If you're the sporadic, random blogger like myself, then you'll think nothing less of me for my lack of updates.

In the months since then, about 8.5 million things have happened, both to me, my family, and the crazy world around us.

A small recap:

1) I'm scheduled to go back to Russia this fall (!) There is a TON to get done between now and then, and even more to pray about. I am excited, albeit in an anxious, butterflies-in-my-stomach kind of way.

2) My sister had her baby early, and they are both doing well. His name is Benjamin Andrew Grayson, but I may end up calling him BAG for short. Maybe Baggy. I haven't decided yet.

3) My husband and I have knocked out a good chunk of debt, getting us closer to debt-free livin'. Yeehaw!

4) I finished the Beth Moore series, and it was awesome. Way more than just "alright, alright, alright."

5) I turned 31. Not a monumental birthday (especially since I was sick), but it was still a blessed time with family and friends. I now have a plethora of gift cards with which to update my shoddy wardrobe (and fend off family members who might be tempted to submit a video of me to "What Not to Wear").

6) I began participating in a mentor relationship through my church. I enjoy the role of "mentee," and my mentor has been a big blessing to me. [I should say that for the record, the word "mentee" reminds me too much of the word "manatee," which is not good for the self-image]

7) We hosted an anniversary party for my in-laws, with over 30 people in our house and I survived! Actually, I had a great time and it was a big success, but I was an absolute mess with nervousness and fretful thinking leading up to it.

If I keep going on with my list, I might end up just listing out everything, so I'd better stop there.

As amazing as these past few months have been, I'm frustrated that after all that's happened, I find myself back in the same spiritual funk I was in last summer. It seems that for the past couple of years, the beginning of summer usually means the beginning of a spiritual and emotional drought with me.

I struggle more with quiet times in the summer, I procrastinate more with everything, and it's hard for me to really appreciate or absorb the spiritual truth I hear all around me. I am blessed to be surrounded by such truth, but it's like I've got on some sort of lead helmet or something. Not much is able to get through, and if it does, there's not a lot of internal absorption.

Am I that dependent on structured Bible studies? Must I always have a routine in studying the Word? What does this say about my desire to know His word? I've been racking my brain over these questions, and I am at a mental crossroad, stuck pondering these two thoughts.

A) Galatians 5:1 says that "It is for freedom that Christ set us free." Being free in Christ means being free from condemnation, free from the fear of failing God. His grace is sufficient, but yet I live and think as though I am losing some sort of God brownie points for not being diligent. I know that His love and mercy (and my salvation) are not based on my works or my own ideas of Christian responsibilities. He ultimately knows my heart and that I desire to know Him better, but I will fall short. It's through His grace and mercy that I am picked up and dusted off.

B) I know that a person can respect God, believe in Him, study His word, worship Him and revere Him, but still not love Him with all their heart. He desires us to seek Him in all we do, and to love Him. If I am doing everything and still struggling with the heart motivation, what does this say about my love for Him? I am scared of that answer. I know that I love God, but how is this measured? Do I compare it to the love I know in the earthly sense? Do I even have the right to measure it at all? I know that I have freedom in Christ, but not freedom to slack off and procrastinate spending time with my Savior. Enjoying the freedom Christ gives does not mean that I get to justify or make light of the fact that I am letting many things come between my daily walk with God. I need to spend more time in His word, but not because I have to, but because I want to. But knowing that I want to do something, and actions following that knowledge are two vastly different things.

Enough deep thoughts for this evening. More coherant thoughts will hopefully follow in the days to come...

This Was The Whole Point!

2008-02-22T22:55:00.005-06:00

So tonight I did my homework for my "Breaking Free" Bible study, and during the fourth lesson, discussing how God's rule is Right, I read a Scripture that has brought me utter joy, freedom and excitement. I am actually giddy at thinking about it again!

"Forget the former things,
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland"
Isaiah 43:18-19

WOW!! This is exactly the answer He has for me in dealing with a lot of my past sins, some of which I've carried with me for years even though they have been forgiven. The memories of them seemed to be etched on my mind like tattoos.

These two verses completely show me the reality of what He is doing in my life on a very regular basis. He is changing me for His glory, and this is so exciting! I am in awe of how He is doing a new thing in me!

So often I would wallow in self-destructive thinking and doubt, wondering if I could ever be free from the bondage of the sins of my past. It's one thing to know you're forgiven, and another thing to accept that forgiveness, but to know that His truth and life and love and grace is now SPRINGING UP IN ME like a new well of water is nothing short of a miracle. That is incredibly amazing and life changing for me.

Thinking back on the last few weeks of this study, I've been excited to learn Scripture and learn more about breaking free and turning wholly to Him. Looking at these Scriptures, I truly believe that reading these and experiencing the joy and freedom they bring is the entire reason I was supposed to be at this Bible study. Everything I've learned, everything I've read, everything I've discussed with others has all lead up to this point of true freedom and excitement in my liberation from all-encompassing and life-choking sins that sought to bind me up as long as possible.

I am really starting to get a glimpse of what it is like to be in love with Jesus and not just love Him. I want more of this!

The Latest

2008-02-04T22:33:00.000-06:00

In an effort to document my days and remember what I am experiencing, learning, and discussing with others, here's a recap of the last few days.

- Last week was pretty rough. I had an incredibly busy week at work, and spent a lot of time praying that God would get me through it and help me to be consistently productive and not so easily distracted. Thankfully, God is incredibly merciful and gracious, and He helped me get through the week without ripping anyone to pieces.

- Tuesday night Bible Study with Beth Moore was awesome. It was good to hear her talk about how we need to cry out to God and really set our needs before him. To cry out and pray with urgency and full focus. The topic was related to the Bible study lesson from the fourth night, which was regarding prayerlessness. Beth describes it as one of five big obstacles that keep us from breaking free from bondage and sin that holds us back from experiencing the Spirit-filled life God intends for us. This lesson (along with pretty all the others) really showed me how many times during my life I've let these boulders get in my way from experiencing His truth in my life. Yay for His instruction.

- So lately I've been memorizing Scripture as part of the Breaking Free study, and right now I've made it up to four separate memory verses, which is really good for me. Then, in Sunday School, we were asked to break up in groups and either read, study or memorize parts of 1 Timothy 4. Pretty much on instinct, I decided to join the memorizing group, and I had about 5 minutes to memorize two verses from the chapter. Thankfully, I was able to remember it when we were asked to recite the scriptures, and I can still remember it today. Yippee! I am getting more and more excited as I study and learn more, and I am excited to see how God will use this memorization as an encouragement to me, or to others. I pray that I would be able to remember them when others may need them. I had always been so afraid of never being able to really remember and recall Scripture, only to learn that it has more to do with focus and discipline than actual memory skills.

- Talked to Valerie today, and I found out that my niece or nephew will be here sometime in August. Can't wait to meet him or her. I am glad that her ultrasound went well and that things are good. Yay again!

- As I study more about God's word and His truth, I find myself slowly less interested in things that normally would have held my attention for long periods of time - movies, actors, tv, random internet sites. I hope this lasts.

- Thanks to God for His mercy, love, goodness, and faithfulness. I love the Scripture more and more. "...for in perfect faithfulness He has done marvelous things, things planned long ago."

Not Sure

2008-01-30T22:09:00.000-06:00

I feel like I need to type something, but I don't know what. I have been sitting here thinking for a while, but not a whole lot is coming.

I guess I'll recap what I've been learning lately:

1) God clearly showing me that I am so influenced by my parents and grandparents in good ways. If I sit down and make a list of positive and negative influences from each one (which I had to do tonight as part of my "Breaking Free" homework), I can come up with a couple of negatives for them, but it made me smile thinking about the abundance of positive influences. I think about how they love to laugh, how they love their families, how they all love being around babies, how they all really enjoy movies, how they all have an amazing work ethic, how they are all strong in their own ways. I could go on and on. I am grateful for each and every one, and I feel so incredibly blessed to be able to say that I knew them all. Each one is different and unique, and I am proud to have learned so much from them.

2) Memorizing Scripture is not easy, but it is a lot easier when you surround yourself with it, and make it a point to keep it in front of you. I think about what I've kept around me, and how easy it's been to be thrown off course. I want to be at a place where studying and memorizing Scripture is what I do in my spare time, not veg out in front of a TV or reread the same fiction books over and over again.

3) I love that God is a God of big stuff and little stuff. I love that He cares enough about me to take care of the little stuff, and how seeing His provision in those small things is getting easier and easier when I seek His company.

4) I am really, really happy for Valerie right now. When she told me she was pregnant, my first reaction was true surprise and happiness. I praise God for this response!! I am so glad that because of Him, I have victory over thoughts that otherwise might try to take me captive. I don't know if and when we'll ever have children of our own, but I do know God, and that He is loving and merciful to His children. What excites me a lot is how God has been reminding me of how much Val's pregnancy is an answer to earnest prayers made nearly two years ago. Prayers for her healing, both physically and emotionally. I thank God for His faithfulness.

If there was anything that bummed me about her news, it was hearing her tell me how scared she was to share this wonderful news with me. She was terrified that I would be very emotional and hurt by hearing her news while we continued "struggling" to have a baby of our own. Although I appreciated her concern for me, it scared me because I wondered if I had given her the impression that the topic of kids was super sensitive to me. My feelings for a long time have been that the topic of pregnancy is one I will dwell on when the time comes, but I don't want to have my mind and thoughts be taken captive by it, especially when I don't know if children are in God's plan for us. My desire to not talk about pregnancy 24/7 is not because it would be too painful, or because I can't stand thinking about our fertility issues. It's instead a desire to focus on what God has immediately put before us. A desire to focus on His plan, and glorifying Him for it.

I read something on Beth Moore's blog (www.livingproofministries.blogspot.com) the other day that struck me with awe. Beth had asked readers to anonymously submit their own stories of how God helped them break free from various struggles or strongholds in their lives. While reading through these amazing stories, I read a post from a woman who had also tried for several years to have a child. This is what she wrote:

I think the greatest area of bondage that the chains have been broken was the despair I felt about not being able to have children: the failure of my body, the failure of not giving my husband a family. I remember a September morning, clear, sunny and crisp - my wedding day and the hope that marriage and someday being parents would bring. After a few years, we began trying to have children. Many of my friends and my sister were having kids and we were not. I felt that I could not do the thing that God created me, a woman, to do. I lamented for years. I lamented that I could not give my husband a family. One sunny March day in the mountains of Colorado, many, many years later God spoke! "I created you for far more than being a mother." My story is more detailed than what I am writing here, as it covers many years. But I can tell you that in one moment the chains of the bondage of failure fell from me and I was set free! I am crying right now just typing this! I thank God everyday for freeing me, and blessing me in others ways - that were far greater than I ever imagined!

Wow. I absolutely love that God not only has a purpose for my life, but that He has created me for far more than I can ever dream or imagine. I love that He defines me, and that I am not bound by earthly roles and responsibilities. I thank God that He heard my prayers while I sat and prayed that beautiful Saturday morning two years ago, asking Him to take away those thoughts that brought me pain and anguish, and replacing them with His love, comfort and peace.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. " - Romans 8:28

Interesting Scripture and Other Things

2008-01-29T23:59:00.000-06:00

Last night during my Bible study, I came across this Scripture that I think relates in a way to my whole issue lately with daydreams and mental fantasies.

From Isaiah 65:2 (NIV)
All day long I have held out my hands
to an obstinate people,
who walk in ways not good,
pursuing their own imaginations

I shudder to think how often I ignore His outstretched hand while I am busy in my own fantasy life and reverie. It's not like I am always daydreaming about how I would change my entire life, or how I am totally dissatisfied with everything, but often, in my mind, I will play out different scenarios in my mind.

But, with every moment I'm caught up in my own dreams and random thoughts, that's more time away from my very sovereign Lord.

Also, I am exited about being able to memorize more Scripture. I've been repeating it out loud and writing it to down to help cement it into my mind. Now that I'm going strong, I don't want to stop or get distracted. Now that I know that Scripture flashcards work well, I am going to try to make a bunch of small ones to take to work with me. I like the idea of having His word so close to me, especially at the place where I spend most of my day and most of my week.

Yay God!!

Daydreams

2008-01-26T22:04:00.000-06:00

For about 3 weeks now the thought that keeps popping up in my mind is about daydreaming. I do this all the time, and it will happen at any place, and at any time. I can be at work, in my car, in a conversation with someone, or in church.

I don't know why it happens, or what causes it, but I have seen lately that God is pulling back the veil regarding the purpose of daydreams.

I just looked up the definition of daydreams.

day•dream
1. a reverie indulged in while awake.
2. to indulge in such a reverie.

Now I am looking up the definition of reverie.

rev•er•ie
1. a state of dreamy meditation or fanciful musing: lost in reverie.
2. a daydream.
3. a fantastic, visionary, or impractical idea: reveries that will never come to fruition.
4. Music. an instrumental composition of a vague and dreamy character.

Interesting...

I think about all sorts of stuff when I daydream. I think about Erik, my family, my childhood, high school, mistakes made in college, winning a ton of cash, what heaven will be like, what I'd do differently in a million different situations.

What I think God is showing me right now is that daydreams, although considered to be innocent, carefree, and part of human nature, are a huge roadblock to my spiritual growth. Daydreams are fantasizing about a life other that the one God has specifically given me. It's thinking about a life different than the one He's planned out for me. It's me taking my life into my own mind and giving it a different outcome.

This does not glorify God in any way! He has had me go through these ups and downs for a reason. He has allowed me to have certain encounters with people, good and bad, and had me learn something from each one. Maybe I haven't received the lesson yet, and maybe I never will, but I have to continue praying daily for Him to guard my mind and my heart against indulging such fantasies of the mind.

There's a part of me that thinks about going back in time, about doing things differently. But what is to gain from that? How does changing what He has already planned out bring me closer to Him? All it does is point out my dissatisfaction with the plan He has for my life, even though my desire now is to find complete satisfaction in Him, in a way I have never known before with anything or anyone else. I want to be surprised and blown away by His provision and grace. I want to cling to Him in those rough times and celebrate and praise Him for the good times. How can I do that if I have a "better" idea in my head for how things should have gone?

Thank you God, for your plan being infinitely better than mine. Thank you for what you are teaching me, and for your mercy, love and grace.

Changing It Up

2008-01-26T21:19:00.000-06:00

I know it's been a long time since I've posted anything to the blog, and I don't have the excuse of leading a super-busy life, or not having a working computer. The reality is that I just haven't blogged lately, and I recently discovered that my lack of participation in the blogging world has more to do with the reason I blog as opposed to what I'm communicating through the blog.

At first, my whole purpose for creating a blog was to have a way to easily communicate with everyone we knew as we prepared for our missions trip to Russia, and also to post updates during our time there. When I first began, it was fun coming up with items to post and getting to express myself through writing again, albeit in a very public manner.

Since that time, I have seen God teach me a whole lot more about who I am in Him, but more importantly, who He is to me, and to the rest of the world. He is daily showing me how much I have to be grateful for, the freedom I have in Him, and the awesomeness and wonder of His grace.

You might be asking yourself, "What does this have to do with her blog?"

The answer is pride. I think it is becoming very easy for me to care too much about what I am posting and the words flowing just right, and getting some sort of self-satisfaction from my zippy little posts.

When I was in Russia, my posts truly were a way to express what God was doing there, and how this missions trip was changing my life. Once I came back home, I found myself dwelling more and more on blog posts that didn't really have much to do with God at all, which did not make sense since He was the whole point of starting this blog in the first place. I found myself less and less interested with blogging because I would get mired down with all the different ideas I had in my head, and started to lose sight of what purpose this blog would serve.

Now you may be asking yourself, "So what?"

What this means is that instead of posting stuff for other people to read and enjoy, I will be using this blog more as an online journal rather than a bulletin board for any random stuff I want to write about. I will be moving to more of a "Doogie Howser" type of journal, where I can record what God is teaching me and specific prayers requests to help give me a timeline of His work in my life. If you want to continue reading it to see what God is doing in my life, that's great, but I am hopeful that I can stay focused on using this tool as a way to ultimately glorify God, and not focus on what people may think of my writing.

This does not mean that you will be forbidden to post comments or even have an opinion on my writing. It's posted in a very public forum, and I am continuing to pursue writing here. To those who have posted comments, read the blog, or discussed it with others, I thank you for visiting, and for your feedback. I am glad that the posts about Russia were special to our friends and family.

Since I have never been good about journaling or writing down prayer requests, it is my hope that this outlet will be a constant reminder of the refining work He is doing in my life, and how faithful He is to us.

"Oh LORD, you are my God;
I will exalt you and praise your name,
for in perfect faithfulness
you have done marvelous things,
things planned long ago."
Isaiah 25:1

Numbers for Thought

2007-11-07T16:56:00.002-06:00

I received an email a couple of days ago from John B., one of the Russia trip coordinators for East-West Ministries. He sent our team a breakdown of all the information gathered during our time there, including how many people heard clear presentations of the Gospel, how many prayed to accept Christ into their lives, and how many received a follow-up visit from a team member.

Since this was my first trip, I really wasn’t sure what to expect as I read through the information. I knew that God had done amazing things through our team, and that we all came back with lots of stories of His provision and goodness during our many divine appointments there.

When I finally got to the section with the statistics, my jaw just dropped.

716 people heard a clear presentation of the Gospel.

54 people invited Christ into their lives.

10 people received a follow-up visit from a team member.

This wasn’t a huge team, we didn’t have a lot of time with those we met, and we had to communicate everything through interpreters, but He used the trip and each one of us for His glory, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

Forgiveness When It Doesn't Make Sense

2007-10-19T15:32:00.002-05:00

These days, people have lots of ideas of how they would punish criminals or reform the justice system if they had their way. Some would opt for more prisoner rehabilitation or therapy, while others would likely vote for a strenuous, no-frills boot camp environment. Some would offer more access to education while others would cut them back to one meal a day. Some push for tougher sentencing and harsher living conditions while others lobby for better access to health care, education, and legal representation.

In the article below, the question becomes, “What do you do when both the victims and the offender are your loved ones?” This is an incredible story of forgiveness, love and hope.

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/5226922.html

Good To Be Home

2007-10-14T20:01:00.000-05:00

If you've read my earlier posts, you might remember my description of visiting Alexei's church on that first Sunday in Voronezh, and how it touched me immensely to attend a church service half a world away from home. I was moved by the emotion, joy and love they showed both during the service and afterwards when they came to greet their American brothers and sisters in Christ who had come to worship alongside them. It was a sweet time of fellowship, and an exciting opportunity to see how God was blessing their ministry in Voronezh.

This morning was my first service back at BridgePoint Bible Church, and I was moved again by the sweet time of fellowship, and saw with a new perspective how God is using this body of believers to impact the area for His glory and to grow His kingdom. When we first came back, I felt like I had been gone a month, and so to be back at church today was refreshing, encouraging, and exciting in so many ways.

It was humbling to hear story after story of people praying for us at different times during our trip, and knowing that their specific prayers were answered during our time there. We have been blessed to know so many people at BridgePoint, and with all those friendships come lots of questions about our trip, and many opportunities to share what all He did during our time there.

Someone asked today if I have been talking non-stop about the trip, and to be honest, the answer is both "Yes" and "No." I have talked about the trip a lot since we've been back, to family, friends, and everyone in between. But, the reason I don't think I am talking about it non-stop is because I still feel like I am processing what all happened and what all God allowed me to see, and that my words and stories need to reflect what all God did, and not focus on what I did. I know that He has changed my perspective on my relationship with Him and also on the world around me, but I know that my words and actions now have an even bigger impact on those around me, and that the life I lead should reflect His love and grace.

So at this point, I am eager to share my stories, pictures and lessons learned in Russia, but I am doing so with the knowledge that this needs to be done with as much prayer and discernment as during the trip itself. It is my sincere prayer that everything about this trip from beginning to end brings Him the ultimate glory in every way.

In summation, I am glad to be home, happy to be back at church with our church family, and still pumped up that I got to sing "Lion of Judah" in church today. Yay for awesome praise music!

Same Eyes, Different View

2007-10-09T23:26:00.000-05:00

The most popular question for me lately is, "How was your trip?"

Can a missions trip really be summed up in a couple of sentences? I don't really think I can provide a neat and tidy answer, but here are some of my highlights...

1) Getting to share Christ with several different men and women and then watching with awe and joy as four of them prayed to accept Christ into their lives. To witness people making that decision was incredible, but I feel as though the spiritual enormity of the situation and what all God did has not fully hit me yet. God allowed me to be part of something so precious and magnificent, and I will be forever grateful for those experiences.

2) Being able to see God's tangible work in front of me, and feeling immensely humbled to be a part of it. So many individual and corporate prayers were answered during this trip, and I've never experienced such a flood of His mercy and prompt help. He gave me words when I needed them, strength when I had none left, boldness instead of my usual shyness and fear, and a servant's heart when my first instinct would have been for self-preservation.

So we’ve been back in Houston since late Sunday night, and everywhere I look, things seem very different to me now. I know that I’ll probably always compare life in Russia to our American lives, but this initial adjustment will take some time for me.

Being back home has opened my eyes and helped shape a fresh new perspective on the world around me. Does this mean I'm going to sell everything I own and move to a foreign country? Probably not. Does this mean I'm going go to Russia every chance I get? I'd like to, but that's in God's hands.

The biggest thing I've noticed about being home is the sheer convenience of everything. We have everything we need within a short walking or driving distance, and we generally have the money (or credit) to buy it all. We are flooded with offers and ads that strive to reinforce the idea that we can (and deserve to) have it all. We are a country of positive and optimistic thinkers, and we pride ourselves on our ability to do it all, with no regard to our government or social status. People of any age and with nearly any kind of disability can be mobile and access nearly everything they need with little to no assistance from others. We make everything easy for everyone so that no one ever feels inconvenienced or ignored. If America is a business, then our products are happiness and contentment, and we sell it well.

No matter what kinds of differences I saw between America and Russia, one thing holds true: God is universal, and He delights in His children, no matter where they live. I still think about the goose bumps I had when I heard the praise music pouring out of the church service. I heard the passion, the excitement, the joy, and the love they expressed so freely to God, and it was exciting, because I know it was a glimpse of what praising God will look like in Heaven.

"O for a thousand tongues to sing
My great Redeemer’s praise
The glories of my God and King
The triumphs of His grace!

My gracious Master and my God
Assist me to proclaim
To spread through all the earth abroad
The honors of Thy name!"

Thoughts of Russia, Thoughts of Home

2007-10-06T10:37:00.000-05:00

We are spending our last night in Russia, and it is with a heavy heart that I type those words. I feel that God has forever changed my attitude regarding other people, cultures, religions, and other differences we have in the world. But, more importantly, He has shown me how incredibly important it is to rely on Him for everything, no matter how big or small.

I got to see Him work mightily in little areas, like providing us with beautiful weather during our time here. He also worked incredibly fast in the big areas, like making sure that our Thursday night ministry concert was not interrupted or compromised because of a lack of electricity in the building. When we began the concert outside, the music and small crowd drew an even larger crowd, so that when the power did come on a couple of minutes later, we had a bigger group there to hear the messages of hope and truth from the local pastor Sergey.

All in all, this has been a life-changing trip for me, and I am blessed to have been able to share this experience with my husband and to work with such an amazing team. We have been encouraged and uplifted by the stories of His working through our time here, and I look forward to returning to this country and seeing what He will do next.

Our team leaves for home tomorrow morning, but from the time we wake to the time we arrive home in Houston, we will have been awake for over 24 hours, so we would ask that you please pray that we would get rest during the flights and that we would not have any complications with travel, customs, luggage, etc. Also, I am starting to the beginnings of a cold, so I would appreciate prayer for this as well.

Thank you for all your encouraging words, prayers, and support both before and during our time here. We look forward to seeing family and friends very soon, and sharing all that God has done through us these past 10 days. God bless!

Blessed Encounters and Happy Reunions

2007-10-02T12:52:00.000-05:00

Today was day two of our Voronezh ministry, and we had the opportunity to see God's amazing work being accomplished here, and many lives changes forever.

We started off with a beautiful morning, and an incredible team devotional reminding us that God will do amazing things if we are just willing to serve Him, and that we are here to love these people first and foremost. We then took a trip back to the village of Borovoe, and i was hoping to have a second visit with Natasha, Maria and Alexandria, three of the women I requested prayer for in my last post. God was so very gracious and allowed me to meet with Natasha again.

To backtrack, yesterday as Julia and I walked the gravel streets of this quiet village, we came to the end of the main road, with a huge forest ahead. Not sure where to go next, we turned left down a isolated side road and came to a house with a little clearing in the woods, where we found two beautiful girls playing near the trees, and their young mother, Natasha, watching nearby. She stared at us as we walked, and as Julia asked me if I wanted to speak with her, I felt myself heading towards her already. She came to us with a bright smile, and a slightly bemused expression, wondering what was going on. Through Julia, I explained to her that I was an American and that I had come down this quiet road to speak to her about Jesus. Immediately her face lit up with a huge smile, and she explained that she knew Jesus and that she loved America, especially Hollywood. She started speaking very quickly, but I was able to make out the name Nicolas Cage, which made me laugh.

She invited us to sit down on her bench in the woods, and we talked about everything: family, husbands, children, and Jesus. She explained that she was a Baptist and knew about Jesus, and had even been baptised in the local church. I invited her to look through my family photo album, and she was intrigued my family (especially the sheer size of it). I asked her if she still attended church and she explained that she hadn't gone in a while because of how her family was treated. When she saw my confused look, she explained that because most of the village was Russian Orthodox, and she was attending a baptist church, the Orthodox children teased her kids, and that she didn't like that her children were suffering for it. Also, she mentioned that the local baptist church was very strict, and told her that it was a sin to wear crosses or jewelry, and she didn't like all their rules. I asked her what she missed most about going to church, and she told me that she had been part of the choir and loved to sing, and missed it dearly.

As soon as she said those words, I knew I had to hear her sing. After remembering the impact the church service worship had on me, I didn't want to leave without hearing her song. when she opened her mouth, the sweetest music poured out of her, and tears filled my eyes again. With a clear, strong voice, she sang a psalm she had been taught at her old church, and it blew me away again that God had allowed me to come halfway across the world to meet this amazing woman in the woods and hear her sweet song to the lord. because our time was running short,

I had to leave her, but when we said goodbye, she told me that she was amazed that God had brought an American all the way to her quiet part of the village to talk with her. She gave me her email address and asked if I would please email her more pictures of my beautiful family and keep in touch. I knew in my heart that Iwas supposed to talk to her again soon, but I wasn't sure if it would happen. I told her that I loved her and would be praying for her, her husband Viktor, and their four children.

now fast forward to today. we are on the van back to borovoe, and the whole time i am praying that i will get a chance to meet the ladies from the day before, especially natasha. during our time together monday, i never really had solid confirmation whether she just knew of god, or if she did have a personal relationship with him. i was eager to learn the answer and more about her in general. after i told my team about our first meeting, they encouraged me to pay her a second visit to get to know her better, so julia and i set out this morning in search of our friend in the woods.

after a long walk and encountering another woman willing to speak to an american (another awesome story of god's grace, saved for another day), we finally came to natasha's house. this time, i had erik with me, since he was eager to meet the woman i couldn't stop talking about. he especially wanted to hear her singing voice for himself, and hopefully capture it on video. when we arrived at her house, we found the outside gate shut, and no one outside anymore. i rapped on the gate, and after a few minutes, we only heard the barking of their large dog. i knocked one more time, and we finally heard someone stirring inside. after a few minutes, we heard her say something, so i called out over the gate, "privyet natasha!" which means 'hi natasha!" She opened the gate and another huge smile lit up her pleasant face, and she quickly hugged me, julia, erik and his interpreter sasha.

she quickly invited us into her home, and began asking us questions about what we were doing back again. i explained that i wanted to talk to her more about her and her family, and about her relationship with jesus. she was happy to oblige, and shared that she had given her life to jesus a few years and invited him into her heart when she was 27 and that he had changed her life. when i heard her say those words, my heart leapt, knowing that i would see her again in heaven. we talked more about her experiences with church, and we encouraged her to continue strong in her faith, despite her disappointing experiences with the local churches. i gave her the scripture in matthew 18:20 that says "For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." i explained that she had fellow believers in the village that she could gather with to pray, study the bible, and encourage one another. she was happy about that, and we talked for a while longer and then she sang for us again. We had to part ways soon after that, but this time i was able to leave knowing that i would definitely see her again.

it's funny thinking about it now, but the whole time we talked, i felt like i had known her for years, and she explained to me that she felt so comfortable talking with me, even though i was from such a far away place. i have been incredibly blessed with an awesome sister in christ, and i look forward to our next happy reunion, whether it's in this world, or in heaven.

here is a picture of me and my sister in christ.

By the way, here is a picture of someone else I met in Moscow. See if you can guess who this is...

Amazing Grace

2007-10-01T13:51:00.000-05:00

Another couple of days have gone by in Russia, and I have been blown away by God's grace and peace that He so freely gives. I came to this country with some nervousness and anxiety about how I would communicate my faith through an interpreter thousands of miles away from anything familiar. Thankfully, our God is universal, so I had no reason to fear.

To backtrack some, Saturday we spent time touring Moscow and seeing the sites around Red Square and the Kremlin. Then that evening, we had an awesome dinner and prepared for our train ride that night. If you've never been on a Russian overnight train before, then it is a crazy experience that cannot be described in a blog post. It was a little difficult to sleep with the frequent jerking stops and screeching wheels, but we all managed and were blessed with a restful night.

The next morning we arrived in Voronezh, and I liked the city immediately. It is not as busy or commercial as Moscow, and the people seems more geniune and friendly. We quickly checked into our hotel so we could attend church service, and it was completely mindblowing for me. The second I walked into the church and heard the passionate and intense worship music being played for our Lord, I started to tear up. It was amazing that even though I didn't understand a word they sang, I really did understand what they were singing. He hears our praise and our worship no matter what the language.

We then were priviledged to feast on an excellent Russian lunch, lovingly prepared by the sweet-natured women from the church. We went back to the hotel and rested that evening and prepared for the Monday events. In addition, we were able to meet our interpreters for the week, and I was blessed to be paired with an experienced one named Julia (pronounced U-lia). She is an excellent interpreter, so I am praying that our week together will be a fruitful one, and that we will develop a sweet friendship during this time.

I have lots of other stories and exciting reports from just this first day, but I will save my stories for a later time, when I can also post pictures and give more specific prayer requests. In the meantime, I would appreciate your prayers regarding the following people and upcoming situations.

The people I spoke with in Borovoe (boroVOYuh) today:
Galina
Vasily
Natasha and her four children
Maria
Alexandria
Ekaterina
Reema

Our entire team here in Russia (a total of 23), plus our interpreters

Our upcoming return meetings in Borovoe and Zimlyonsk

Thank you all for your prayers,encouragement and support. Here is a Scripture that I found that I thought applied extremely well to the week ahead. "O LORD, be gracious to us, for we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress. " - Isaiah 33:2

Talk to you soon!
Nickie

My First Day in Moscow

2007-09-28T12:23:00.000-05:00

So I’ve been in Moscow for almost a full day now (yay), and it has been quite an experience, mostly because of the vastness of the city and the cultural differences all around. It was very surreal being in Red Square seeing the historical buildings I’ve admired for so long. That part was pretty much what I thought it would be. What I didn’t expect was the behavior and sophistication of a lot of the people here, particularly the young people. They are just like kids I would see in

America

or Western Europe, except they are ALL dressed to the nines. It will be interesting to see the differences between Moscow youth versus Voronezh youth and how it will impact our ministry there.

Overall, I am excited to be here in Moscow, but more eager to get to Voronezh and begin what I know will be an awesome and challenging week. Plus, I am excited to see how we will work together and grow together as a group while we serve our loving and merciful God.

One of the Scriptures I read on the flight that really spoke to me about this whole trip is in Isaiah 25:1. “O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago.”

Here is a picture of us in Red Square in front of St. Basil’s cathedral.

greetings from Atlanta

2007-09-27T14:24:00.001-05:00

Just a quick note to let everyone know we arrived safely in Atlanta. Flying
here was amazing, just being able to admire His creation and beauty from
thousands of feet in the air. Please know that we GREATLY appreciate
everyone's prayers and well wishes. My next post will be from Moscow! Talk
to you soon!

Don't We All Have Hairstyles We Regret??

2007-09-26T10:31:00.000-05:00

This is one the funniest books ever. If you don't have it, you need to order it NOW!

http://www.amazon.com/Bad-Hair-James-Innes-Smith/dp/1582343292

Prayer Calendar

2007-09-25T21:17:00.000-05:00

If you'd like to download a copy of our prayer calendar for our trip to Russia, you can get it here:

Prayer Calendar

Wringing Out My Brain

2007-09-25T12:18:00.000-05:00

Do you ever daydream about what you would do if you had the ability to instantly change yourself? Would you look the same, or act the same, or live the same?

For as long as I can remember, I’ve spent time drifting off, plotting how I would change my height, my hair, my body shape, my abilities and talents (or lack thereof). Sometimes the desire is something innocent, like wishing I was a little taller. Sometimes the thought turns to something more substantial, like wishing I could learn Spanish so I could communicate with more of my older relatives.

One of the things I daydreamed about most is my ability to memorize Scripture. As a kid, I rarely ever cracked open a Bible, if only to quickly memorize a Sunday School memory verse on the rare occasions I was able to attend. While in college, I accepted Christ and desired to know more about the Bible, but always felt as though everything I read would never stick in my mind. I spent so much time reading and rereading the same passages, trying to store some nugget of wisdom or mental picture to help me memorize and absorb what I had just read. I would pray and ask God to help me remember what I had just read so I could apply it to my life and share it with others. I felt so inadequate when I talked to my small group or Bible study leaders, because they would talk about what God had taught them, and would casually toss out a Scripture that referenced that same topic. If I was ever asked about Scriptures, my mind would go blank, and I would just hear the sound of crickets chirping in my head. Thankfully, since college, I have been able to remember and memorize certain Scripture passages, but not as many as I’d like.

That being said, one of the things people learn quickly after meeting me is that I am a HUGE movie and TV fan. They have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, mostly because I grew up with parents who loved going to the movies or watching TV after a long day. As a kid I watched Siskel & Ebert the way other kids watched He-Man or The Smurfs. I grew up watching a variety of movies, from Animal House to Sergeant York to The Color Purple to Trading Places to Memphis Belle. I could glance at an entertainment magazine or a movie review and remember nearly all of the major cast members and the plot, whether I’d actually seen it or not. I am that go-to person if someone can’t remember the name of the actor who had the alien come out of his stomach (John Hurt). If someone can’t remember the name of the 80’s TV show about the high school coach with all the kids (Just the Ten of Us), then they call me. Needless to say, I have a lot of random information in my head about pop culture.

For a long time, I’ve wished that I could memorize and remember Scripture the way I can movies or actors or random TV shows. I would wonder if it was the way I was reading, or maybe the type of Bible I had. About a week ago, I was thinking about this topic again when God was gracious enough to bonk me on the head with the answer. I had become so prideful in my ability to remember random, useless pop culture information that it was keeping me from learning and truly absorbing the things that mattered. If you become known for something and are complimented on it, what’s the likelihood that you’re going to stop doing it? Chance are, you’re going to continue, but with even more vigor and determination.

I liked being recognized as great at something, even if it was for something of no spiritual value or intrinsic worth. He showed me that my pride was keeping me from understanding His word and my ability to remember it, and that if I applied myself to studying JUST His truth, I would gain a far greater reward than any flattery or compliments the world has to offer. Plus, these things I’ve prided myself on knowing don’t bring me any closer in my walk with Him, nor do they teach me how to love others or live like Christ did.

It’s a sobering day when you finally look up at the mirror He holds before you. But praise God for his goodness and mercy.

“I remember your ancient laws, O LORD, and I find comfort in them.” – Psalm 119:52

I Just Wanna Praise You!

2007-09-20T15:56:00.000-05:00

I’ve had that line from the Mary Mary song “Shackles (Praise Him)” running through my head for the last hour, and here’s why…

So before I left for lunch today, I emailed my co-workers letting them know that I would be traveling to Russia next week, and who they should contact for help while I’m out of the office. When I returned, I had an email from an out-of-state coworker whom I’ve only spoken with a handful of times and have never met face to face. She has always been very pleasant to talk to, but with her being so far away, we’ve never really had the chance to talk on a personal level.

She asked why I was going to Russia, and mentioned that she had been to a former Russian republic a few months before. I shared that I was going on a missions trip with a group from my church, and that it would be my first time in Russia. She immediately replied back that she is a believer, and that she would be praying that God would use me and teach me in a mighty way!! We exchanged a few more emails, and she shared that God had brought her through some difficult times, but that He has been so faithful and good to her, and she was excited to learn that she has a sister in Christ in Houston!

I am so pumped up and excited thinking about her words even as I just typed them, because this is a HUGE answer to prayer. For so long, the biggest struggles I’ve had during my Christian walk have been because of work circumstances, mostly because I tended to become of the work world and not simply in it. In the seven years I’ve been working since college, I have only had two coworkers who were believers and professed their faith openly. All the other times, I didn’t know any other believers, so some of my friends were people who had no relationship with God. But, instead of living by example and sharing my faith with them, I would speak and act in ways I shouldn't have instead of holding fast to what I knew to be true. It was always easier to have work friends and be nonchalant about my faith rather than be open and risk alienation.

I praise God for opening my eyes and showing me that I spent far too much time worrying and obsessing over what others thought of me, and being fearful of being judged by them. Instead, He reveals to me during my prayers, quiet times, and through various life circumstances that He is the one to be feared, because He is the ultimate judge, but that He is merciful and so very gracious to His children.

What's The Reward?

2007-09-19T22:48:00.000-05:00

So tonight was the first week of the new Beth Moore study I'm doing as part of my Wednesday night Bible study. We're studying her Patriarchs series, and during tonight's session, Beth said something that really stuck with me this evening.

From Genesis 15:1:
After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision: "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward."

Beth's question was, "Are you treating God as though He is your great reward now, or your reward in the time to come?" His words here clearly say "I am", making Himself known in the present tense. He is truly our reward now, not just a future prize we get to claim. Being in Him means being able to experience Him and his mercy and grace now, not just when we're with him in heaven. If I am not living as though I've just received the greatest reward ever, then what am I living for?

It made me realize that too often I think of Him in distant terms, dwelling on what is to come rather than what is in front of me now. He has put specific people and situations in my life for a reason, but if I am straining to see the horizon ahead, I am way too likely to ignore or lose sight of the precious things directly in my path.

In summation, He is a wonderful and merciful God, and I am grateful for every nugget of insight and wisdom He so lovingly bestows upon me. Yay God!

Testing Out This New-Fangled Technology

2007-09-19T14:05:00.000-05:00

Apparently I can post to this blog from anywhere in the world, so I thought I would try it and see if it actually works.

From “Scrubs”

Dr. Kelso: I got you a present for your trip to Mexico. It's my old Spanish to English dictionary. I don't need it anymore, I've mastered the language.
Dr. Clock: Gracias, Señor.
Dr. Kelso: You're welcomo.

Ooh La La...My First Post!

2007-09-18T23:37:00.000-05:00

Yes, this is my first post, and I honestly don't have much to say, given that it's nearly midnight and I've wasted a lot of time fiddling with the fonts, colors, and things like that.

I'll cut to the chase. You're not going to find lots of philosophical thoughts or stimulating observations on the world. Instead, you'll find out what's going on in my daily life (I leave for Russia in 9 days), which movies repulse me with just a trailer (I'm referring to you, "Good Luck Chuck"), which people inspire and challenge me (Beth Moore) and most importantly, what God is doing in my life. It is my sincere hope that you'll learn more about our awesome God and how he has radically changed my life and perspective on the world around me.

Adios!